Influencing the thoughts

Recently happened to watch my favourite movie on my London-Hyderabad flight. The movie "3 Idiots" has been a hit not only for the brilliant performances from some of the best actors in the Hindi Film industry but also coz there was a message to be conveyed at each and every point. One of those messages that hit me the most was this thought that Our heart seems to be very weak, we need to keep fooling it around with some loving and inspiring thoughts and it gains strength to face any challenge that Life throws your way.
Well I would like to add that Heart listens to only that what it wants to listen and imbibe. It is interesting to note that we are at this age arrested by stress at every stage of our life so much that even doctors blame stress as a reason to all problems they cannot figure out in thier medical world. Stress can be cured by meditation so basicaly we end up listening to the customised divine words of a Guru. Personally I have nothing against them and I myself follow one of them but that being a different issue altogther. During my sessions of meditations I realsied that all Gurus basically tell you the same things in words which sound very appealing. Its like reading the same Moral science lessons written by different writers. I also noticed that they try and influence your mind and the thought process there. Involuntarily you start relating to what is being said. It is possible that you have already gone through the experience and your mind starts corelating the instances. It starts to run on the same track which is being spoken about then and there. The most apt example right now would be to guage your own thought process while you are reading this blog. You may like to say agree or disagree depending on your own personal experiences which comes back to teh fact that we listen to the things our heart wants to listen..rest would automatically get deleted. On one of my meditation session my teacher gave and example of a small child. they wanted to explain that a child is influenced by his own thoughts, there is nothing called impossible for them. They would cry if they want to n laugh if they want to. they keep trying till they reach the end result. While listening to all this I kept picturing my son and my mind was busy co relating those thoughts to my son's activities and I found them all so true. From a broader prospective though I can say there wasn't much of learning there. It was just a reminder of things which already reside somewhere in our minds.
Having said all this I would now want to divert my thought to something that has been troubling me since long. I admit I'm addicted to Facebook but it also has led me to see some things which arent commonly talked about. I saw some influencial videos offlate. Some of them talked about the political scenario of our country and like every youth even my mind started feeling the anger and rage of the speaker.  I felt that it was high time for the system to change etc. However today I saw a video of an ordinary lady who spoke about human trafficing. Dr. Sunita Krishnan, a victim of a gang rape who is now working to rescue innocent people who have got trapped in this web voluntarily or unvoluntarily. She began her talk with the stories of 3 small girls all aged between 3-4 years and what thier life is all about. As usual my mind had thoughts of my small baby who is the same age. I wouldn't deny I almost puked when I was hearing the stories the brutalities these little kids were subjected to. The youngest kid had been so brutally raped that her intestine was outside her body when she was rescued and it needed 32 stitches to put be back to her body. strange isnt it that those people who do such hineous crimes still live amongst us as one of us and that too with pride while the poor soul who has lost it all mentally , physically and emotionally is left to get more and more tortured. strange is our ways that we move to Gurus for spiritual knowledge while we still haven't completly learnt lessons of our materiliastic world. I dont knw if I should call it escapism.  I didnt know how I could be of help to this brave soldier untill she said that every person who has heard her talk should go and tell two more people about it, and convince them to pass this further to two more people and the message was to open our minds from the self created barriers and accept these victims as normal people. Its not thier fault to have been victimised. Now I have chosen my blog as a platform to influence the thoughts of whoever reads this blog of mine. The victims are victims of brutality from societyand so if you have to hate someone here then hate the doer of the deed. Hate that jerk who has so cruelly done this to a small angel who didnt know how to save itself. Every child is special whether it is yours or not. There is absolutly no reason for any child to have gone thru so much in such early stages of life. Being compassionate is one of the few thinsg we could do for them. Today my thoughts have been influenced in such a way that now I see the faces of those three small girls in every child's face I meet and I can say they deserve to be living a happy childhood. I regret the fact that we can't do much to reverse the damage but Love can conquer all pain and Love is all they need from us.

Motivation gets you through the day, but inspiration lasts a lifetime

What you read as the topic of this particular blog are the words of Nick Vujicic and he has actually inspired me to post this blog. I first came across him in a video and the first time I saw him my reaction was like what you would see in cartoon.. eyes popped out, jaw dropped type look on my face. Unless you have heard of Nick before you wouldn't make sense of my reaction. Lemme put it in a better way for those who havn't heard of this inspirational figure before.
(excerpts from Nick's website )
"Imagine being born without arms. No arms to wrap around someone, no hands to experience touch, or to hold another hand with. Or what about being born without legs? Having no ability to dance, walk, run, or even stand on two feet. Now put both of those scenarios together: no arms and no legs. What would you do? How would that effect your everyday life?

Meet Nick Vujicic... Born in 1982 in Melbourne, Australia, without any medical explanation or warning, Nicholas Vujicic (pronounced Voy-a-chich) came into the world with neither arms or legs. Having had an uneventful pregnancy and no family history to expect this condition, imagine the shock his parents felt when they saw their first born, brand new baby boy, only to find he was what the world would consider imperfect and abnormal. A limbless son was not what nurse Dushka Vujicic, and her husband Pastor Borris Vujicic had been expecting. How would their son live a normal happy life? What could he ever do or become when living with what the world would see as such a massive disability? Little did they or anyone know that this beautiful limbless baby would one day be someone who would inspire and motivate people from all walks of life, touching lives all over the world.
Throughout his childhood Nick dealt not only with the typical challenges of school and adolescence such as bullying and self-esteem issues; he also struggled with depression and loneliness as he questioned why he was different to all the other kids surrounding him; why he was the one born without arms and legs. He wondered what was the purpose behind his life, or if he even had a purpose. After a lot of frustration and feeling like the odd one out in school, at seven years of age Nick tried out some specially designed electronic arms and hands, in hope that he would be more like the other kids. During the short trial period of the electronic arms, Nick realized that even with them, he was still unlike his peers at school, and they turned out to be much too heavy for Nick to operate, effecting his general mobility quite significantly.




As Nick grew up he learnt to deal with his disability and started to be able to do more and more things on his own. He adapted to his situation and found ways to accomplish tasks that most people could only do by using their limbs, such as cleaning teeth, brushing hair, typing on a computer, swimming, playing sports, and much more. As time went by Nick began to embrace his situation and achieve greater things. In grade seven Nick was elected captain of his school and worked with the student council there on various fund-raising events for local charities and disability campaigns.



According to Nick the victory over his struggles throughout his journey, as well as the strength and passion he has for life can be credited to his faith, his family, his friends and the many people he's encountered during his life who have encouraged him along the way.



After school Nick went on with further study and obtained a double bachelor degree majoring in accounting and financial planning. By the age of 19 Nick started to fulfil his dream of being able to encourage other people and bring them hope, through motivational speaking and telling his story. I found the purpose of my existence, and also the purpose of my circumstance. There's a purpose for why you're in the fire. Nick wholeheartedly believes that there is a purpose in each of the struggles we encounter in our lives and that our attitude towards those struggles that can be the single most effective factor in overcoming them.



In 2005 Nick was nominated for the "Young Australian of the Year" Award, which is a large honor in Australia, recognizing a young person for their excellence and service to their local community and the nation, as well as their own personal accomplishments. Nominations for this award are only given to truly inspirational people.



Now at 27 years old this limbless young man has accomplished more than most people even twice his age. Nick recently made the massive move from Brisbane, Australia to California, USA, where he is the president of an international non-profit organization, and also has his own motivational speaking company; Attitude Is Altitude. Since his first motivational speaking engagement back when he was 19, Nick has traveled around the world, sharing his story with millions of people, speaking to a range of different groups such as students, teachers, youth, business men and women, entrepreneurs, and church congregations of all sizes. He has also told his story and been interviewed on various televised programs worldwide. However, Nick's speaking engagements have gone beyond purely motivational speaking, he has had the opportunity to speak with several leaders, including the vice president of Kenya. This year alone Nick is set to speak in over 20 countries.



People say to me, "How can you smile?" he says. Then they realize there's got to be something more to life than meets the eye if a guy without arms and legs is living a fuller life than I am.



Nick shares with his audiences the importance of vision and dreaming big. Using his own experiences in worldwide outreach as examples, he challenges others to examine their perspective and look beyond their circumstances. He shares his view of ceasing to see obstacles as problems, but instead begin to see them as opportunities to grow and reach out to others. He stresses the importance of our attitude being the most powerful tool we have at our disposal and illustrates how the choices we make can have a profound effect on our lives and the lives of those around us. Nick shows through his own life that the major keys in fulfilling our biggest dreams are persistence and choosing to embrace failure as a learning experience, rather than allowing the guilt and fear of failure to paralyze us.



How does Nick Vujicic feel about his disability now? He accepts it, embraces it and oftentimes pokes fun at his own circumstance as he shows off his many tricks. He meets challenges with his special blend of humor, perseverance and faith always encouraging those around him to examine their perspective as they develop and define their vision. Using those new definitions he challenges each person he meets to make changes in their lives so that they can begin the path to fulfilling their biggest dreams. Through his amazing ability to connect with people from all walks of life and his incredible sense of humor that captivates children, teens and adults alike, Nick is a truly inspirational motivational speaker."


For those of you who wish to know more about Nick.. you could go to his website http://www.attitudeisaltitude.com/aboutus-nick.php.
 
Today wasn't a day for me to be an inspiration but to get inspired :). Tomorrow is hope for me to be an inspiration though ;).. Life moves on ....

The Bonsai, The Wild or The Groomed

Blogging at 12am.. God I must be crazy but no. Something is bothering me and has been so since quite sometime.. Today it seems to be at its ultimate. So here I'm penning my views on a topic which I had vaguely mentioned last time about the final product person and the river like person.

Parenting has always been a tough game and not everyone is good at it. And when I say that I mean not everyone has a good approach towards parenting. Bill Cosby says, " Inspite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the book sotres, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need lots of love and luck- and ofcourse, courage".  Like everything else this is also a hit and trial for some and things do or do not work out based on the so many factors which revolve around it. Lately I have been observing how a child's mind develops under certain conditions (read parents).

Its an agreed and proven fact that for the fuller and complete development of the child the roles of both parents are important. The concept in India is that father adorns the role of the tough guy who is difficult to please and the mom is rather softer person who cuddles and easily mouldable character of our lives. "It's not only children who grow. Parents do too. As much as we watch to see what our children do with their lives, they are watching us to see what we do with ours. I can't tell my children to reach for the sun. All I can do is reach for it, myself. ~Joyce Maynard"

Times are changing and so it the outlook of the people so with some new generation parents the ground rules are the same and some have tried to interchange the roles. The bottomeline however is I feel on how much you let the child develop. Based on what I have observed I would like to broadly categorize children into three categories which would be The Wild, The Groomed and the Bonsai.

The Wild as would the name suggest are the ones who are IGNORED. No body keeps a check on them and so they end up having thier own ways, own rules, own decisions. These kids generally turn out to be arrogant and loose thier cool very easily. They are generally very grumpy and have temperament issues as well.. It would be as difficult to get them to do a task as it would be to tame a wild bull. Like a creeper growing wild in a jungle. Aimless yet growing, a life wasted in short.

The Bonsai generally is grown in a controlled manner by which I mean that the cultivator has a certain image of the plant in mind based on which he prunes,defoliates, grafts the plant. Inshort not even a leaf is allowed to exist unless it is a part of the original design. They make very good show pieces but are not intended for production of food or any such benefitting factors. Now imagine doing something similar to a child during the growing years. The parent like the cultivator is not facilitating everytime the child wants to explore (read grow) unless they want it that way. Somehow I feel the child would never grow into a mature individual but into more of a remote controlled toy. Every move of the child is controlled. It may be that initially the child would still try to get some of the things done the way it wants to but eventually it would give up that effort because it has been so much monitored n controlled. The growth in this case is definatly designed but the end product isnt something productive. Such a child in my view would always have inferiority complex and would be less confident in his outlook towards everything in life. The thought procedure would be a lot more restricted and negetive.

As parents we should facilitate the child's growth in every sense. We should be the ladder they step on to reach thier goal. Teach them to think responsibly so that thier decisions are something they are proud of. They then become the groomed children who have a much wider horizon and are confident to go thier way and outlook towards life. Its interesting to note how children are taught in the schools here in UK. Unlike the teachers in India who cleary define what is good and what is bad or more often as they say what is right or what is wrong, the teachers here are far more accomodating. By that I mean they would tell the child there is good and bad way of doing something. having said that they leave it to the child which of them they would want to choose. In such a scenario it is very rare that the child doesnt sense the right choice and adapt it because like they say child is father of the man.It definatly has the smarts to figure out what is right or wrong in a given situation. But as parents we do not wait till they make the choice instead we push the decision to them and there the child is tempted to go towards the wrong choice because by human nature we tend to do things we are "not supposed" to do. Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve. ~Roger Lewin.

 And I agree with Rose Kennedy when she says, "Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity - a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother".

Stay and Create- Arouse the child in you

I have been waiting for this day since the time it was announced in Abhishek's school. It was a free day for the parents to stay back and get creative while the lil one is playing n learning at school. I admit I couldn't sleep the whole night.. Not sure if it was the excitment for the workshop or the apprehension of what I was to do there or well it could also be abhishek's ill health that kept me awake during night so much that now I have almost got into habit of staying awake during nights.
Well, as that apart, it was a bright sunny day as the english people would have mentioned. Weather here plays a intersting role in almost everything around life. You kind of plan your activities around a sunny day possibly because the suuny days are a rare event here in London. I waited like a small baby..excited and energtic for what was instore for me.
The hall was divided to four sections- Playdough section, Mix media, Painting and Ice balloons. Something in me said I would be doing something more than creative arts today. Well, to begin with we discussed what all games we played when we were kids ( not that I believe I have grown up still :P). I did walk down the memry lane as I had put it to the organisor of the workshop. I remembered the games i played and things I did. My childhood was no different from others as the other mothers in the session had pretty much the same kind of stuff to talk about. We also emphasised on the fact that our kids are more on video games (something I totally dislike). Infact that whole discussion brought back to me the different games I could play with Abhi. The session lasted for a while because everyone was so very nostalgic. intersting enough though was the fact that all most all of us who came from different parts of the world played games which were almost the same except the objects used to play the game. somebody mentioned about the marble game which sounded like a mix of golf and bowling. So I guess as we get older we try to mordenise our games as well.





Now it was time to get creative and so each of us moved to the section of our interest. I chose the Mix Media while others were either painting or learning to make play dough. Mix Media, let the name not misguide you is nothing but creating anything from things we would otherwise dispose like straws, paper plates, plastics plates.. almost any such junk as they call it. I had in hand some nets in different colour, straws, chocolate wrappers etc.. For me since I love doing creative stuff there was almost a buzz in my mind full of ideas.. I obviously couldnt create all of them. Anyways I ended up making flower out of the net with a straw stem and made two dolls with the chocolate wrappers. This was taught to me by mom when I was a kid..I never ever thought I would put it to use ever in life but I did. The Lady who organised was particularly interested in the dolls i made with the chocolate wrapper. She was with me throughout the process only to see how it was made and she also happened to mention that she never thought something could be created out of them. Minds work different at different times. I also learnt how human mind works.. Sometimes you are an end product person.. who knows what he or she is expecting to do in the process and so if we don't acheive the end product its kind of taxing visavis there is the river kind person who goes with the flow.. who would make endless effort to make something or the other. The world doesn't end if u dont make what you had actually planned to make. Life becomes easier and less taxing
Coming back to the session, it ws now time to get all the things I made into one frame.. so I kind of created a scene of 2 girls walking down the woods to collect flowers. Human mind at work..while I didnt derieve much from what I had made the lady who organised could almost see a story hidden behind the picture. Sometimes you don't see the finer things of life..you dont see there is lot more to talk about than you think there is...there is lot more to think about than u think u do. I guess its a barrier within the brain which kind of puts full stop almost everytime. We finally played with some play dough and created something while talking about.. our kids. The whole session was something I enjoyed throughly.
It reminded me of the child in me..and like my husband says.. if u be a child with your child things are less complicated..it gets easier to be a part of thier life because they are less demanding. Another wonderful day coming to an end but I still feel I have loads to talk about this day :)..

Its all coming back to me

Its been a while since I sat down to blogging and the most important reason of holding back was family. They needed me most. Not that they dont need me anymore but I have finally got some time for MySpace. 
Talking of family.. well i can bet everyone would instantly remember the loved ones especially dad, mom, spouse and kid. May be the picture would highlight whom you are missing the most in life at that moment. So when i close my eyes right now I can only see my father. I remember getting up sheepisly to his calls.. sometimes I would pretend to be asleep only to be cuddled by him. He would get me ready for school. He was my make up artist too then .. would neatly tie my hair and drop me to school. Enroute we would take chance to twitch flower from someone's garden. I also remember waiting for dad in the evening whe he would carry me home from the neighbour's home and talk to me endlessly about his day at office. I admit i didnt understand a word but I would still listen keenly to keep him going. we used also listen to some songs in the evening. He introdced me the world of ghazals, hip-hop, melodies..MUSIC inshort. I still owe everything to him for my taste of music. The other day my friend happened to compliment me about my selection of songs that I post on Facebook and I was so happy cause deep within I knew its all because of my dad. It was all carefree life back then. For me Love was defined in a single word DAD.
Today that he isnt with us anymore I can feel the vaccuum he left in my life particularly. We came to know about Dad's illness around april last year. Hell struck on us. I couldn't come in terms with the fact of loosing my dad to Cancer...I didnt want to..
But since God had other plans for him and me..I had no choice but to accept this decision of His. I would not want to use terrible but each day since April 23, 2009 has been a nightmare for me. The day I landed Home to see my father.. I can't forget that moment when we both saw each other.. silence was all that prevailed. I didnt know if i should be pretend to be happy so that he feels everything will be alright. i tried my best to hold back my tears as much as I could and may be he did the same.. silence said it all for us. I regret that I didnt hug him and cry my heart out and today even if I want I can't. I'm not sure if he wanted to let go his feelings too. I understand nowthat Dad has been a strong character..much stronger than I had imagined. A stature I could hardly be ever in life.. Even though he knew that he wouldnt survive long he never seemed to tremble. May be he didnt want us to be in pain. May be he bore all the pain for us. day after day, things got in more and more complicated. the medicines wouldn't work, the doctors all zapped.. everyone was undergoing lot of tension but dad still stood strong and was my pillar of strength. I took strength from him as he did from me.
Slowly he started loosing his strength to cancer though.. The pain was unbearable forhim and his cries still ring in my ears. I stood helpless not being able to do anything to ease his pain. What was worse was the fact that I couldnt even cry my heart out. For once I hated God too.
My dad has been the most handsome man i have seen in my life. Yet in those 6 months time my dad's face lost all its charm.. his skin gave in to wrinkles..he looked old..perhaps more than his age.. what still remained intact was his voice.. It still had magic.
 The third phase which neary has destroyed me started sometime in september 2009 when he started loosing his memory. I dont know if anyone can sense the pain a child would have when its parent refuses to recognise it. My father forgot who I was. The cancer had now spread to his brain. He would constantly loose track of what he was talking..all one could hear was a continuous blabber night thru day...it was more scary than anything i have ever or will ever see in life. I saw death near him. I knew his days were numbered and that thought didnt let me live. Even though I would sound cheerful to the outside world I knew how difficult it was to keep up with all this. Whenever I was out of home I would time my activities in such a way that i could be back home as soon as possible.. and everytime i would be making my way back home i also carried a fear..fear of loosing love that dad has personified for me. I still shiver when I try to recall the last day of his with us. He was in a bad state since morning..breatheless throughout the day. Mom sensed it and so tried to rope in best medical facilities available.. another effort to save her husband. I saw him giving away to death. One last time i wanted him to hear me call and so I called out for dad..he eyes moved in my direction and I knew it was going to be the last. The doctor came in to declare that my father was no longer with us and I sat in the room like an idiot hoping he would just rule out my worst fears. Sad yet true the doctor just confirmed that dad is no longer a part of my life. philosophically as I can put it..he moved on to working on the bigger plans God had for him.. he forgot his little girl behind...

To this moment when I'm penning my thoughts..Its the most difficult thing for me to accept. I wish I hadn't been there during his last days.. somehow it would had eased me off this pain is what I feel. It could also be guilt.. guilt that i didnt knw how I coudl save him..that I didnt knw what were his last wishes.. that i didnt knw if he wanted to live more...that i didnt knw wht i coul dhave done for him. My life is no longer the same. And everyone tells me time would heal this sooner or later.. I'm pretty sure I can't get over this ever in my life because I loved him so much. And that vaccumm he left can only be filled by him..none other.. I love u dad..miss u..And I hope wherever you are, u miss me too :)...